In the first of my series looking into the competitive side of beard and mustache growing I want to look at the categories involved in this expression of hair and what exactly you can and can’t do in each category and whether or not you can use styling aids.
There are 16 traditional categories with a 17th, the Alaskan Whaler, being added in 2009, but to begin with, let’s have a look at the mustache category and the different styles with which you can compete.
As the title suggests this mustache is naturally grown with no curls and all hair must be shaved 1.5cm on either side of the mouth. It can be maintained using combs but use no styling aids. Great for Geography teachers and lovers of nineteen seventies Burt Reynolds movies.
My personal favorite as I’m a fan of the surrealist artist and his mustache. Hair beyond the corners of the mouth must be shaved and must not extend past the eyebrows. Thankfully styling aids are permitted such as mustache wax and there is no requirement to take a siesta in your own grave every afternoon.
Hair must extend from the middle of the upper lip, not grow outside the corners of the mouth and be slightly raised. Styling aids can be used and care must be taken when walking through narrow doors or taking afternoon tea. Wearers are also advised to take care whilst traveling on public transport.
The sun never sets on this favorite of the officer class of the British Empire and this tash is small and bushy with upturned tips and hairs that do not grow past the corners of the mouth. Styling aids are permitted and there is no requirement to travel the world conquering small tribes on the way. Nor are you required to talk in a loud condescending manner about the war and use phrases like “In my day…”
The bigger brother to the imperial mustache, this is big and bushy with all hairs growing 1.5cm past the corner of the mouth. Styling aids are permitted with no need to fight Napoleon nor watch War and Peace in one sitting. Should you wish to consume Hungarian chocolate whilst sporting this mustache then regular mustache combing is advised
This mustache is for all you rebellious growers out there as there are no rules to follow except that the hair must grow further than 1.5 cm past the corner of the mouth. Obviously, styling aids are permitted and anyone attempting to grow this beard can look forward to a life in German Art House movies as well as a lifetime membership to a Hells Angels Gang of your choice.
Whatever category you decide on you’ll need a top quality grooming kit, a steady hand, and a creative mind to convince the judges of your mustache prowess as well as an understanding girlfriend or wife.
In the next article we will be looking at the partial beard in all it’s glory so until next time my bearded brother’s, groom on.